We are pleased to have a special guest blogger offering her thoughts on the struggles of working parents. Martha Wylie is the director of Knight Hall School in West Hartford, CT. She has held this position for the last 20 years. She earned a double degree, one in Early Childhood Education and the other in Special Education. She is a single mom who works full time and still manages to spend quality time with her child.
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
Being a working parent is a very difficult road to navigate, heck being a parent is a difficult road to navigate. For the past 24 years I have been working with young children and their families. I have spent many; many hours helping parents understand the development of their children. Helping parents navigate the unknown paths of development and parenting is a favorite part of my job!
If there is just one message I would love to yell from the roof tops it’s “STOP PARENTING OUT OF GUILT!” When you parent out of guilt you make some very bad mistakes, mistakes that will last a life time. The most common mistake is not setting firm limits for your children. This results in unruly children. If children don’t understand what their boundaries are, if they don’t know the limits, they are wild, fresh, angry and very unhappy children. Children feel safe when they know that their parent is in charge and in control. Children don’t like to be in control, it’s a scary place for them. Imagine thinking at the age of 2, 3, 4, that you were in charge, you were the one who made all of the decision. Can you imagine?
The reason I bring this up is to address a situation that is becoming increasingly popular among working parents. That situation is bringing your child to school when you don’t have to work. Often a parent will arrive at school saying, “Susie really wants to come to school today” as they are gently pushing them into the classroom. As the parent leaves they whisper, “I am having a me day today so call my cell if you need me”. Or a parent will say, “My office is closed today, but Johnny is much happier at school” Don’t get me wrong, we love to see your children and we are delighted that your child loves to come to school, however please don’t think for a moment your child is unaware that you don’t want to be with them. Harsh? Perhaps, true, yes!
If you are parenting out of guilt there is a very good chance that your child doesn’t behave very well. There is a good chance that you don’t enjoy spending long periods of time with your child. There is a chance that you then feel really guilty about all of that, so the easiest thing to do is to send them to school, after all they really like school, right?!
That’s really an unhealthy road to take. Children need to feel wanted, they need to know that you really like being with them. The best way to show this is first, set limits and truly parent your child. They don’t need a friend, they need a parent. Next, spend as much time as possible with your child, get to know them. Laugh with them, read with them cook and clean with them, just spend time with them.
As a working parent your time is limited with your child, take full advantage of the time you do have. Spending time with your child does not mean let them do whatever they want. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to set limits, it means spend time with your child. You are their role model; they learn how to behave from you. Remember, you are raising an adult not a child.
Childhood goes very quickly. It feels like forever when you’re in it, but trust me they are truly the most amazing years of your child’s life. The early years are setting the foundation for your entire relationship with your child. Remember the old Cat Steven’s song Cat’s in the Cradle? There is a lot of truth to that song! If you don’t put a lot of effort into your relationship with your child when they are young, they won’t be there when they are older; they have learned to live their life without you.
As you navigate this path with your children, think about the type of relationship you want to have. Think about the adult you want your child to grow into and then take a good long look at your parenting style. If you believe you are doing the best by your child, that you are spending enjoyable time with your child, give yourself a pat on the back, job well done! If you don’t feel that way, make some changes; take advantage of the resources all around you to make the changes.
At the end of the day your child loves you. At the end of the day there is no better hug and truer sense of love than that from your child. Give them the respect and the time that they deserve!
Well, here we go talking yet again about cell phone use. Yes, sad to say we must address the fact that they are becoming an issue in daycare. “Sigh!” We’ve been noticing that some parents are now talking on their cells as they drop off and pick up their children. Just a reminder here to please save the call for later as it would be greatly appreciated. Caregivers should not feel they are imposing on your conversation as they are trying to speak with you. More importantly, your child shouldn’t feel that he/she is being a bother at that point either as they try to say hello or goodbye.
There have also been incidents where a parent arrives through the door after closing time because they are engrossed in conversation out in their car. Now THAT certainly doesn’t go over well. The big plus for cell phones is that you can call the center in case you’re stuck in traffic or an emergency came up. Be sure you have the daycare’s number stored on your phone.
On the other side, a parent should not walk in and find the teachers texting and talking on their phones either! If you notice this happening on a consistent basis, you have every right to inform the director.
Thank goodness they don’t make cell phones for preschoolers, huh? Don’t give anyone the idea!
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
We’re sure many of you have heard of “play dates” – a fancy way of saying let’s get the kids together to play for a while. They can be as simple as a casual short meeting with other children in a park to a scheduled time to go to a neighbor’s home. Whatever you feel comfortable with and have time for, just remember a little socialization time can have tremendous benefits for your child.
Socialization skills really start coming into play when a child is around three years old. Prior to this they are egocentric and are only interested in having their needs met. As they grow the play becomes more parallel – meaning they play near, but not actually with, another child.
Socialization begins by simply being able to ask another child to play. This may seem like a daunting task in a daycare setting where all the children are trying to get their own way. But when you let your child get together with one or two children outside of school, they can work on their sharing and cooperation skills in a more casual atmosphere and gain more confidence. This will carry over to the school environment.
So the next time your child is invited to a play date, why not go for a little while? This is especially true of children who stay at home. As a parent or caregiver, you may find a few new friends too!
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
Hi All!
You must be settling into your normal routines after the holidays. The kids are finally settling down too. Whew! It takes a while for them to come down from the holiday highs for sure.
Anyway, it’s a new year and we are looking forward to providing you with all kinds of new tips, stories, and information regarding daycare. Please be sure to check in every week. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to send them to us. We greatly appreciate the feedback!
So here’s to a happy, healthy and prosperous one!
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
It’s not unusual to hear a parent express their guilt over placing their child in daycare. As a result, they will honestly admit that they don’t discipline, set limits, and tend to overindulge their children with material things.
In response to this, we would like to bring attention to an informative show Dr. Phil had recently. It was titled Generation Me. It was given this title to represent some of the young people today, because as a group, experts say, they are self absorbed, spoiled, and impatient and feel entitled to have everything without working for it. Dr. Phil said, “Someone once said to me the older generation talks about the younger generation as though they had nothing to do with it.”
He explains, these children were not born like this, it’s been cultivated in them from an early age. He said it happens because parents feel guilty because they have to work, they haven’t spent enough time with their children, or they feel their child has it too hard. Consequently, to help the parent feel better in the moment they give in to their child’s every need and want. By doing this, Dr. Phil explains, as a society we are crippling our children. We are taking away their inner drive and discipline and leaving them with the feeling that everything will be given to them.
Author Jean Twenge who wrote the book Generation Me was a guest on the show. She said it best in her book when she wrote, “Your kids are special to you, but they need to learn that they have to earn being special in the world by their performance and holding themselves accountable.”
Whether you agree or not, a thought provoking show, don’t you think? And keep in mind, a quality daycare will be setting limits and discipline. Without this, it would be total chaos in the building.
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
And now it’s that time of the year, let the shopping begin! It’s not always easy to find that perfect gift and many parents struggle to figure out an appropriate gift for a teacher. We thought it might help if we gave you a list of some of our all-time favorites.
It’s nice when a parent shares a favorite food and includes the recipe. One parent made a batch of Chex Mix and put it in individual decorative tins for the whole staff. Another was a fresh loaf of specialty bread and jelly from a local bakery. Gift cards to a coffee place, movie theatre or bookstore is a great thought. Personalized stationery, decorative bookmarkers, plants, and key chains are also among our favorites along with an oversized mug with packets of hot chocolate. And of course, just a simple handmade card with a heartfelt thank you can go a long way to making spirits brighter!
One year a group of parents got together and put in a few dollars each to send the staff out to dinner! What a wonderful idea and economical too!
The bottom line is TRULY it’s not the cost of the gift, but the heartfelt thanks behind it! If you’re happy with the care your child is getting, kind words go a long way.
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
Over the years, we have seen many little “fashionistas” parading their styles through our classrooms. Behind them are parents who are just rolling their eyes and apologizing for their child’s appearance. :>)
We are here to tell you there is no need to apologize. Some children just love to experiment with clothes and it brings a smile to us all!
A parent recently shared her experience with her tiny fashion bug and we thought we would share it with you:
“When my youngest was small he wanted to be a fireman. This isn’t uncommon with little boys, however, my son took it a little further than most I met. My son used a pair of his brother’s jeans with suspenders and some black rainboots with yellow trim. Every night before bed he would take off his “turnout gear” and set it next to his bed. Every morning he sprang out of bed and jumped into his turnout gear ready to take on the day.
“One day my husband took him to preschool and was apologizing to the teacher for his son wearing the same clothes every day. The teacher, having seen a lot of kids pass through her classroom said, ‘Relax! No one thinks you dressed him!’
“So let your daughter wear purple socks with a green dress. Let your son wear bunny ears if it makes him happy. My son is now 11 and he doesn’t wear turnout gear anymore.”
Thanks For sharing this great story!
~ Jackie & Jo-J0
A few weeks ago a mom said something wonderful and rare that inspired this post. Upon entering the room and seeing her son wrapping a doll up in a blanket, she smiled and said, “Oh, I’ll have to buy him a doll!” It’s worth noting that five minutes before that he was pretending to mow the lawn.
How beautiful it would be to be free of the notion of girls versus boys toys. We have had situations where a parent would get upset if his/her son played dress up or used dolls and forbid them to do it again. How sad! And the thing is, boys really get the bad rap. If a girl is being rough and wants to play with trucks, she is laughed off as being a tomboy. The boy, however, is looked upon with worry over future sexual orientation.
Especially during the preschool years, children are exploring their world and trying to make sense of it all. Role playing enables them to express how they perceive those around them. It also helps them investigate and mimic the nurturing roles of the immediate people in their lives such as moms, dads, sisters, brothers, etc,. This also expands to people who enter their lives like doctors, police officers and teachers.
So next time you observe your child engaged in an activity you don’t deem as stereotypically appropriate, why not take a step back and RELAX? A boy playing with a doll may be an awesome dad and husband one day and the little girl with the truck could be a future top notch mechanic or engineer.
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
Hope you all had a fun Halloween! Jo-Jo outdid me with 48 trick or treaters versus my 22. Leftover candy much?
Anyway, we had our share of ghosts, characters, and of course, MONSTERS. The topic of monsters is a frequent subject with children. In our day it was better known as “the boogeyman.” Many parents have asked for suggestions on how to calm the fear of monsters and other things that go bump in the night. Helping children deal with these fears can be as easy as opening a book.
The author, Mercer Mayer, has been helping children face their fears of monsters for years in many of his stories such as: There’s a Nightmare in My Closet, There’s an Alligator Under My Bed, There are Monsters Everywhere, and There’s Something in My Attic.
Along with these we highly recommend the following books:
- The Monster at the End of this Book by Jon Stone and Michael Smollin
- Go Away Big Green Monster by Ed Emberley
- There Was an Old Monster by Rebecca Emberley
Children also feel more secure when they have some control over the monsters that may come to visit during the night. Some things to leave with your child as “protection” are spray bottles filled with glitter or even a scent that is sure to repell any goblin, a flashlight (decorated with special stickers), a toy that makes noise, or a dreamcatcher hung on the wall over the bed - use your imagination and include your child in the making of these special nightmare busters.
Sweet dreams!
~ Jackie & Jo- Jo
A woman was complaining one day that when she arrived to pick up her four year old, she was “just dancing.” We think that the following poem by Anita Wadley is the perfect response to this statement. This is a favorite among teachers of young children for sure! Thank you Anita!
JUST PLAYING
When I’m building in the block room, please don’t say I’m “Just Playing.”
For you see, I’m learning as I play about balances and shapes.
Who knows, I may be an architect some day.
When I’m getting all dressed up; setting the table, caring for the babies,
Don’t get the idea I’m “Just Playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play;
I may be a mother or father some day.
When you see me sitting in a chair, reading to an imaginary audience.
Please don’t laugh and think I’m “Just Playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play;
I may be a teacher someday.
When you see me combing the bushes for bugs,
Or packing my pockets with choice things I find; don’t pass it off as “Just Play.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play:
I may be a scientist someday.
When you see me engrossed in a puzzle or some “plaything” at my school,
Please don’t feel the time is wasted.
For, you see, I’m learning as I play. I’m learning to solve problems and concentrate.
I may be in business some day.
When you see me cooking or tasting foods,
Please don’t think that because I enjoy it, it is “Just Play.”
I’m learning to follow directions and see differences.
I may be a cook someday.
When you see me learning to skip, hop, run and move my body;
Please don’t say I’m “Just Playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play; I’m learning how my body works.
I may be a doctor, nurse or athlete someday.
When you asked me, what I’ve done at school today,
And I say “I just played”; please don’t misunderstand me.
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I’m learning to enjoy and be successful in my work;
I’m preparing for tomorrow.
Today, I am a child and my work is play.
Hope you enjoyed the poem, and for you adults too…………..take some time to “Just Play” today!
~ Jackie & Jo-Jo
