Being a Working Parent is a Difficult Road to Navigate

We are pleased to have a special guest blogger offering her thoughts on the struggles of working parents. Martha Wylie is the director of Knight Hall School in West Hartford, CT. She has held this position for the last 20 years. She earned a double degree, one in Early Childhood Education and the other in Special Education. She is a single mom who works full time and still manages to spend quality time with her child.

~ Jackie & Jo-Jo

Being a working parent is a very difficult road to navigate, heck being a parent is a difficult road to navigate.  For the past 24 years I have been working with young children and their families.   I have spent many; many hours helping parents understand the development of their children.  Helping parents navigate the unknown paths of development and parenting is a favorite part of my job!

If there is just one message I would love to yell from the roof tops it’s “STOP PARENTING OUT OF GUILT!”  When you parent out of guilt you make some very bad mistakes, mistakes that will last a life time.  The most common mistake is not setting firm limits for your children.  This results in unruly children.  If children don’t understand what their boundaries are, if they don’t know the limits, they are wild, fresh, angry and very unhappy children.   Children feel safe when they know that their parent is in charge and in control.  Children don’t like to be in control, it’s a scary place for them.  Imagine thinking at the age of 2, 3, 4, that you were in charge, you were the one who made all of the decision.  Can you imagine?

The reason I bring this up is to address a situation that is becoming increasingly popular among working parents.  That situation is bringing your child to school when you don’t have to work.  Often a parent will arrive at school saying, “Susie really wants to come to school today” as they are gently pushing them into the classroom.  As the parent leaves they whisper, “I am having a me day today so call my cell if you need me”.  Or a parent will say, “My office is closed today, but Johnny is much happier at school”  Don’t get me wrong, we love to see your children and we are delighted that your child loves to come to school, however please don’t think for a moment your child is unaware that you don’t want to be with them.  Harsh?  Perhaps, true, yes!

If you are parenting out of guilt there is a very good chance that your child doesn’t behave very well.  There is a good chance that you don’t enjoy spending long periods of time with your child.  There is a chance that you then feel really guilty about all of that, so the easiest thing to do is to send them to school, after all they really like school, right?! 

That’s really an unhealthy road to take.  Children need to feel wanted, they need to know that you really like being with them.  The best way to show this is first, set limits and truly parent your child.  They don’t need a friend, they need a parent.  Next, spend as much time as possible with your child, get to know them.  Laugh with them, read with them cook and clean with them, just spend time with them. 

As a working parent your time is limited with your child, take full advantage of the time you do have.  Spending time with your child does not mean let them do whatever they want.  It doesn’t mean you don’t have to set limits, it means spend time with your child.  You are their role model; they learn how to behave from you.  Remember, you are raising an adult not a child. 

Childhood goes very quickly.  It feels like forever when you’re in it, but trust me they are truly the most amazing years of your child’s life.  The early years are setting the foundation for your entire relationship with your child.  Remember the old Harry Chapin song Cat’s in the Cradle?  There is a lot of truth to that song!  If you don’t put a lot of effort into your relationship with your child when they are young, they won’t be there when they are older; they have learned to live their life without you.

As you navigate this path with your children, think about the type of relationship you want to have.  Think about the adult you want your child to grow into and then take a good long look at your parenting style.  If you believe you are doing the best by your child, that you are spending enjoyable time with your child, give yourself a pat on the back, job well done!  If you don’t feel that way, make some changes; take advantage of the resources all around you to make the changes.

At the end of the day your child loves you.  At the end of the day there is no better hug and truer sense of love than that from your child.  Give them the respect and the time that they deserve!